so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
