Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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