i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
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Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
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Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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