How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She's the barista slut.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
