The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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