hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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