Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
