So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Be still, my beating vagina.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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