We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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