I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
