If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize