Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
