Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
