I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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