Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
