what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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