she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
