you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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