Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
