apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
