you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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