so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
