We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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