Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
