No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
