This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
