he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
