I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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