I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize
