i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
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My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize