The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
