"it" just moved
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
did i walk over a car last night?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
