can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
