Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
