Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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