4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
