Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
