When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
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Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
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In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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