i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
