dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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