i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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