that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
