i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
