Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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