rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
do herpes really smell.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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