maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
