my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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