The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
