so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
