I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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