So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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