Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
