you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
