who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
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I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
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It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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