probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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