ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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