Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
