I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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