so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My ATM looks so different sober.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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