Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My first STD was from a foam party
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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