does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
