Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
