I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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