Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
