That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
