Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
