yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
