I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
