i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
