it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
